Silence is one of the most difficult arguments to dispute. I find myself in several situations where at my core I disagree with some one's stand on something. I used to speak up and debate the issues which invariably cause a lot of heart-ache and tension.
My spiritual guide asked me one day, "Becky, Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy; because you do have a choice?" I thought about it for awhile and observed my life. I found that I spent a lot of my time in futile disputes over issues that had no solutions. This created tension, anger, and frustration in my life and the life of countless others. I realized that if I remained silent and allowed the other person their opinion, we were happier.
I now choose "Happy". I practice the art of allowing others to be and to believe as they will which frees me to do the same. This moves me from the bondage of self on the road to 'nowhere' and frees me to enjoy life and the person I am with in the 'now here.'
It is in the NOW here that I find peace and happiness.
Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles. Proverbs 21:23
Enjoy practicing the silence and holding your tongue, let me know what happens.
Showing posts with label allowing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label allowing. Show all posts
Friday, March 26, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
The Loving Father/parent of the Biblical Prodical Son
In the Biblical version of the prodigal son, I find a loving and compassionate father. As a parent, friend, volunteer of youth, I find great wisdom and advise about raising and working with children in these stories.
In Luke 15:25-33, I find a loving father who allows both sons to live out their life as they choose, not as he chooses. He appreciates and loves the son who stays by his side, and he also yearns for the return of the son who has moved away. I love that he does not judge either son, and he generously gives them both all that he has. He does not chose one over the other, he seems to accept and love them both despite the breaking of societal norms and the reactions of others about their behavior. He doesn't seem to expect them to be anything other than who they are.
The father is so secure in his own identity that he his not shamed or thwarted by the behavior of his children. He openly and confidently allows, accepts, forgives, and loves his children unconditionally, despite their actions. He sees only their Oneness with him.
I have witnessed families who have been torn apart because children have not met the 'expectations' of the family. The children have been disowned, ridiculed and belittled because they have stepped out of the status quo, acted "inappropriately" or have "ruined the family name". This is very difficult to watch. For me this is a sense of false pride and personal insecurity on the part of the parent.
(Now my kids have not challenged me in this area, it is my hope that when and if this occurs, I will follow the lead of this father but we'll see. All I can say today is but for the Grace of God go I.)
The parents in these situations seem to gain their identities from their children. They are enmeshed and believe that their children are a reflection of themselves. They are embarrassed and ashamed which is an easy trap in which to fall. It is important for parents to practice letting go and letting God. Simple but not easy.
I personally believe it is the fathers willingness to let go of his son and allow him to fall and to be, that opened the door for his return.
There is a saying, If you love someone, let them go; if they come back to you, they are yours; if not, they never were. Could this be the idea of free will. God gave us all free will, loving us enough to let us go and do our own thing confident that we all will return to our Source- The Creator of the Universe. What is true love, if it is forced love? Love freely given and freely received is True Love.
In Luke 15:25-33, I find a loving father who allows both sons to live out their life as they choose, not as he chooses. He appreciates and loves the son who stays by his side, and he also yearns for the return of the son who has moved away. I love that he does not judge either son, and he generously gives them both all that he has. He does not chose one over the other, he seems to accept and love them both despite the breaking of societal norms and the reactions of others about their behavior. He doesn't seem to expect them to be anything other than who they are.
The father is so secure in his own identity that he his not shamed or thwarted by the behavior of his children. He openly and confidently allows, accepts, forgives, and loves his children unconditionally, despite their actions. He sees only their Oneness with him.
I have witnessed families who have been torn apart because children have not met the 'expectations' of the family. The children have been disowned, ridiculed and belittled because they have stepped out of the status quo, acted "inappropriately" or have "ruined the family name". This is very difficult to watch. For me this is a sense of false pride and personal insecurity on the part of the parent.
(Now my kids have not challenged me in this area, it is my hope that when and if this occurs, I will follow the lead of this father but we'll see. All I can say today is but for the Grace of God go I.)
The parents in these situations seem to gain their identities from their children. They are enmeshed and believe that their children are a reflection of themselves. They are embarrassed and ashamed which is an easy trap in which to fall. It is important for parents to practice letting go and letting God. Simple but not easy.
I personally believe it is the fathers willingness to let go of his son and allow him to fall and to be, that opened the door for his return.
There is a saying, If you love someone, let them go; if they come back to you, they are yours; if not, they never were. Could this be the idea of free will. God gave us all free will, loving us enough to let us go and do our own thing confident that we all will return to our Source- The Creator of the Universe. What is true love, if it is forced love? Love freely given and freely received is True Love.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
My way or the highway
I have encountered many people who get very defensive if you don't believe in their beliefs and spend a lot of time attempting to convert me to their way of thinking and believing.
I must admit, I used to be this person. And every now and again, my know-it-all person still tries to raise its little head and I have to bite my tongue. This happens when I am too attached to my beliefs and/or I am not sure about my beliefs and I am in fear that I will lose something of value to me.
Today, I believe it is quite arrogant for me to say or try to enforce my beliefs on anyone. For me, this is saying I am better, bigger, and wiser than you and even God, for that matter. It has become my spiritual practice to allow others to live and believe what feels good to them. This has alleviated a lot of arguments and unnecessary pain to myself and others.
When I allow you to be and believe as you want, then I have the freedom to be and believe as I want. This is freedom.
Try it, the next time you want to impose your belief system onto someone, stop and say, "you know what, you may be right." Just allow them the freedom to be, feel the tension in the room disapate. You may realize that there are many highways that lead to the same place.
I must admit, I used to be this person. And every now and again, my know-it-all person still tries to raise its little head and I have to bite my tongue. This happens when I am too attached to my beliefs and/or I am not sure about my beliefs and I am in fear that I will lose something of value to me.
Today, I believe it is quite arrogant for me to say or try to enforce my beliefs on anyone. For me, this is saying I am better, bigger, and wiser than you and even God, for that matter. It has become my spiritual practice to allow others to live and believe what feels good to them. This has alleviated a lot of arguments and unnecessary pain to myself and others.
When I allow you to be and believe as you want, then I have the freedom to be and believe as I want. This is freedom.
Try it, the next time you want to impose your belief system onto someone, stop and say, "you know what, you may be right." Just allow them the freedom to be, feel the tension in the room disapate. You may realize that there are many highways that lead to the same place.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Tough Love
Our church recently participated in an Egg to Chick program where we set eggs in an incubator and cared for and monitored them until they hatched. They were scheduled to hatch on day 21 but several came on day 19 and 20. A small message that Divine Order is truly what is in control.
When the chicks begin the process of pipping, pecking their way out of the shell. They have to peck thousands of times just to create a small hole in the shell in order to breath. After this feat, they take a 5 to 8 hour nap.
Once rested, it takes another two to five hours for the chick to cut its way 3/4 around the egg and an additional 40 minutes of squirming, struggling and pushing against the egg cap to break free. The chick then takes another well deserved nap after which, it begins to rise to its feet and gains control of its muscles.
The interesting thing is if you help them with any of this process they will not thrive, they will not have developed their lungs and muscles or the strength to survive.
What a great lesson in tough love, sometimes it is hard to watch our loved ones struggle with life lessons. It seems so easy for us to break through a small shell. We instinctively want to help them and to make life a bit easier for them. However, when we do this we rob them of the necessary skills, and/or the strength they need to survive in life on life's terms.
Tough love is the spiritual practice of allowing, allowing all people to experience the full spectrum of growing up. It is not easy, but it is necessary.
© 2010 by Becky Benes
www.onenessoflife.com
When the chicks begin the process of pipping, pecking their way out of the shell. They have to peck thousands of times just to create a small hole in the shell in order to breath. After this feat, they take a 5 to 8 hour nap.
Once rested, it takes another two to five hours for the chick to cut its way 3/4 around the egg and an additional 40 minutes of squirming, struggling and pushing against the egg cap to break free. The chick then takes another well deserved nap after which, it begins to rise to its feet and gains control of its muscles.
The interesting thing is if you help them with any of this process they will not thrive, they will not have developed their lungs and muscles or the strength to survive.
What a great lesson in tough love, sometimes it is hard to watch our loved ones struggle with life lessons. It seems so easy for us to break through a small shell. We instinctively want to help them and to make life a bit easier for them. However, when we do this we rob them of the necessary skills, and/or the strength they need to survive in life on life's terms.
Tough love is the spiritual practice of allowing, allowing all people to experience the full spectrum of growing up. It is not easy, but it is necessary.
© 2010 by Becky Benes
www.onenessoflife.com
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